I see health and illness every day. But some days are harder. Rare days. Days where parents die or are a shell of what they used to be. It isn’t supposed to happen so young. We had two moms whose lives are forever changed. Two families who are in the midst of an ending and a new beginning. Not the ones they would’ve chosen or were prepared to live.
One mom died from a metastasized agressive breast cancer. And another is in a nursing home unresponsive after a stroke several months ago.
I had cared for the first mom’s special needs child. I knew him very well as I’ve been his Pediatrician for well over a decade. A few weeks ago, her family brought him in for his physical. And that’s when I found out, she was sick and couldn’t care for him. She had sacrificed her life to care for him. I reviewed his medical history with his new caretakers, made referrals, and am helping his family get him back on track for all the care he needs.
And then today, I found out that she passed. My heart is broken.
Within minutes, we followed up on another mom who was sick a few months ago. We wanted to check in on her. Sadly, her mother told us that she is now in a nursing home, feeding tube, and barely responsive.
I told our staff, gently, one at a time. We share things like this so that everyone is on the same page, no surprises, no awkward conversations, and we are all able to provide extra TLC when they come into the office in the future.
A General Pediatrician doesn’t see death very often like this. It exhausted me immediately. And within an hour, I was drained emotionally. These two wonderful moms cared for their children. Sacrificed. And in a moment, it’s over. Their children’s lives are forever changed. It’s unfair. Unreasonable. Wrong.
What’s the message I’m supposed to receive? I give support and care through their current pain. And then what?
We’re going to a funeral and a nursing home in the next few weeks. It’s the respectful thing to do, right? But it’s more than that. I knew them not just as their children’s Pediatrician, but also as a mom, as a woman. And I need to honor them.
When I care about a child, I sit and listen to the family. To these mothers who would smile and share some of their hard times with me. They trusted me with private moments. Not just the happy moments. And now I will be kind and caring to their family after they are gone.
It doesn’t make me feel better. But one thing I know is true. I need to live my life more fully. With more intention. Be present.
Because life is precious. I see them in my mind’s eye, smiling and happy. We should all do that more.